Behind the Ironic Column

Clearly I read too many mysteries and watch too many thrillers or cop shows.  And there was that time I worked in criminal prosecutions.  Still, it seems the first thing that pops into my head when I see a red splotch on the floor shouldn’t be whether or not it’s blood. 

I park in an underground garage and usually get one of my two or three favorite spaces.  Today, however, there seems to be some event going on and the spaces I like were already taken  (I could pay an exorbitant amount to have a specific space all my own, but that would include having to complain or get someone towed every time they used my parking space.  I’ve had that situation and it’s just as aggravating as using the roulette system for parking space selection.)  So I slid my car in between two large SUV types, and opened my door slowly, so as to avoid smacking into the one on my left. 

As I looked down at the floor, I noticed a large irregularly-shaped patch of red that would have looked like it dripped right off my door frame – except it had  already dried.  I sat there for a minute, contemplating the outline on the floor and wondering what had happened.  That was after I reminded myself that dried blood really doesn’t look very red – more a rusty color.  Not to mention that it would have had to be particularly thick blood to have left a raised blotch on the gray cement floor.  It looked like the consistency of melted candle wax or really thick jelly when you’re trying to get it to jell.  But those comparisons came later; they weren’t the first thought in my head.

Is this normal?  Maybe it is.  When you hear some noise in the night that “could” be a gunshot, do you check your clock so you’ll know exactly what time you heard it – in case  questions arise later?  If you hear raised voices, do you think “argument” or “fight” instead of “enthusiastic discussion”? 

Maybe it (whatever my mysterious blob is) did come from the previous vehicle that was parked in this space.  Some cars sit for days without being moved – giving anything time to jell or harden.  And this blotch seems to be isolated – there’s no trail of it leading anywhere and no other telltale drops that I can see.  A one-time spill, surely accidental, and a mystery I’ll never unravel.  Not that it’s a crime scene or needs an amateur sleuth or anything like that. 

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