Behind the Ironic Column

You just have to start to wonder when someone emphatically states something they would “never” do – especially when you didn’t ask the question or even imply that you could have imagined they would do such a thing.  The preemptive denial – used by many people in politics – is not very successful for good reason.  There are too many examples of its being the first indicator that they are indeed lying.  And on the face of it, it seems to indicate that the subject is on the tip of their tongue and probably on the top of the stack of things they worry that they might be “found out” about.  So when anyone starts out with a denial that seems uncalled for, pay attention and perhaps turn over a few rocks.

Last week I was at a seminar with a group of people who are looking for a new position – either because they just moved here or were downsized or rightsized or otherwise removed from a previous job.  I hadn’t seen this particular person at previous sessions and didn’t even catch his whole name – we’re not too concerned with all the niceties.  We have a common interest which is the focus of the gathering and sometimes do more social things but sometimes don’t.  It was just interesting to me how quickly he made a statement that he never tells even little white lies.  Not that I think lying is a good practice at all – but I wouldn’t have thought it necessary to announce it like that.  Following up on his comment,  a woman in the group had some stories to tell about how her previous employer — she was in sales –  expected her to lie to customers about realistic delivery dates.

I’ve never been in sales but I suspect most of us believe that salespeople are always encouraged to give the bright side of any possible scenario.  That’s not quite the same as outright lying – but it’s definitely painting a rosy picture when more likely the final picture will contain many elements of gray.  Perhaps her former employers really did want her to deliberately lie – but perhaps they didn’t mean it that way.  Giving them the benefit of the doubt because I don’t personally know them and because I think all organizations try to put the best face they can on things that could certainly be stated in a more negative way.  If we didn’t do this as a society we woudn’t have a need for public relations professionals or spin doctors or media consultants.  Think of the number of unemployed there would be if we stopped polishing all those apples.

I didn’t get a chance to ask the person who made the statement whether he has personal relationships that occasionally put one in the position of needing or wanting to shade the absolute horrible truth.  I fall squarely in the camp of NOT telling people the truth about the cut of their clothes or hair or the unfortunate color selections they may have made that day, etc. etc.  Is that lying – perhaps it falls into the white lie category if you’re pushed into a corner and forced to say something directly about an article of clothing or food or makeup.  Or what about the instruction my mother always gave me – if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything…

I don’t like Aunt Dorothy’s prune liqueur – she makes it herself – and I never have liked it — so when I say it’s “very nice” I consider that to mean that it’s much nicer to only drink a small taste of it than to have a water glass full.  My new acquaintance undoubtedly considers that a lie.  I think it’s a contextual exaggeration of a fundamental truth – that I love my aunt and even most of her eccentricities and there’s no point to be served by bad-mouthing a beverage she’s providing to me as a guest.  Besides, she could switch to something even worse.

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