Behind the Ironic Column

I’m embarking on a new stint as a test subject in a medical trial.  At least I think I am – all the test results aren’t in yet and I might not qualify.  A few years ago when I volunteered for one of these, they told me I had too many problems to be a good participant.   I understand the point – too many variables and you can’t tell what’s affecting what. 

I did some research projects myself back in the day.  Most of mine had to do with rats and pigeons but the principle of maintaining some consistency is the same.  So I didn’t take the rejection too personally, even though I really would have liked to be in that study.  The new study is interesting and has the potential to find a way to help some people who have chronic pain issues.  Being one of those myself, I’d think it was pretty cool if they came up with something based on this research.  (I’m keeping the details vague here because I don’t want to explicitly write up info about this particular study but more my reaction to the process of the study.) 

So today I got the psychological quizzes about how I felt – to establish a baseline (not that they described it that way, but that seems like what we’re doing).  Interestingly my ordinary pain – by which I mean the amount that’s been there for years and never fully goes away – seemed much worse by the end of the session.  I’m sure it’s not worse in an objective way – they just made me pay attention to it.  That’s something I actively avoid doing – I focus my mind on other things and proceed with what I have to do.  Otherwise I’d never get through the day.  I’ve been doing this for so long that I don’t discuss it with myself – and I certainly don’t try to characterize how many days this week were better or worse than average.  So by the time I was on my way home I was feeling pretty down. 

They’ve warned me about side effects and given me a list, but I was surprised at how much effect picking a number to attach to the pain had.  I suppose it’s like being on a diet and writing down whether you’re hungry or not at certain points during the day.  You have to think of it as just data collection, not something that’s personal. 

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