Behind the Ironic Column

Making my usual quick dash through Safeway on my way home, I tried to remember what was on the list left  lying securely on my kitchen table this morning.  I’d been organized enough to make the list but not quite enough to actually bring it.  So I proceeded, listless, through the store, trusting in memory to show me most of the needed items. It was a short list anyway; that I did remember.

So I cruised down the deli aisle, intending to pick up the somewhat oddly named ‘outdoor rolls’ that are some cross between a hoagie roll and a hotdog bun.  Much more substantial than the latter but not as doughy as the former.  I’d stumbled across them a couple of years ago and discovered they made excellent sausage sandwiches – either the traditional kind of bunnable sausage like bratwurst or the little breakfast links that are cousin to the sausage patties found in sausage biscuits.  I realize my grandmother would declare this no proper substitute for a sausage biscuit, but for me it works quite well.  Or should I say worked. 

No outdoor rolls stashed in their usual spot by the deli foods counter.  None stashed in the other bread locations – lots of hotdog and hamburger buns but those aren’t the same.  Sourdough, hoagie, French, Kaiser – rolls and buns galore but not the ones I want.  List forgotten, I head back over to the deli counter.  The young man there knows nothing of the items in front of his counter – he’s only responsible for what’s inside the case.  Plus, at this point I haven’t remembered the name of them.  They’ve always been in a mostly unmarked plastic bag with a small label and a date stamped on the bag – no big proclamations or declarations.  So I’m reduced to describing them incoherently as ‘the Safeway rolls that are usually in this shelf.’   There are other rolls there on the shelf, from other bakeries.  I can see the young man thinking – ‘it’s only bread’ but he’s careful not to say it.  Instead he directs me to a manager in the next aisle who might be able to help me. 

The manager takes a look at the shelf and shakes his head – he doesn’t  know what the reason might be, but it looks like there won’t be any more outdoor rolls at that store.  The shelf tag has been changed to reflect the hoagie rolls from some other vendor now taking that space.  So they’re not just out of stock – they’re gone.  I’ll check at other Safeway stores when I have a chance, but I suspect they’ve been eliminated.  I still don’t know why the label  ‘outdoor’ is attached to them – and neither do my friends over at Google.  I’ve certainly eaten them outdoors – but that doesn’t seem like a strong enough reason. 

Back again at the bread aisle, I see at least one other vendor has a product labeled as ‘outdoor.’  It doesn’t give any further explanation either, but I finally take that one.  Perhaps there is some standard for these things – or perhaps it’s just coincidence.  At any rate, it’s bread.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS